I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this hospital has no fireball
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
