You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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