I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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