I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
