he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
