Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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