eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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