We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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