I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
