it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
