so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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