Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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