just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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