That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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