Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
