I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
