The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The Olympian is in my bed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
