No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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