sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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