I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
