in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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