Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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