Having a random hookup so left but love u
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
