He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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