Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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