we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
