So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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