Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
