I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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