listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
