Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
