Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
