the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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