I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
