A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
