respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize