just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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