Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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