evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...