Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night

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  (301): Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night http://tfl.nu/wbgo
  Replies (15) Good night (4447) Bad night (620)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

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  (732): only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package.. http://tfl.nu/0izj
  Replies (37) Good night (7018) Bad night (774)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (28) Good night (2414) Bad night (4766)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

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  (864): Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you. http://tfl.nu/wybw
  Replies (6) Good night (3584) Bad night (899)
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  (716): View more from New York

  she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper

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  (716): she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper http://tfl.nu/z4y6
  Replies (28) Good night (5796) Bad night (1384)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night

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  (608): Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night http://tfl.nu/2p0f
  Replies (1) Good night (1432) Bad night (709)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  At least you have booty calls.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

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  (901): At least you have booty calls. (1-901): True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china http://tfl.nu/6dg2
  Replies (7) Good night (1556) Bad night (575)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."

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  (814): I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day." http://tfl.nu/1vs8
  Replies (5) Good night (1175) Bad night (1659)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.

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  (919): He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP. http://tfl.nu/0m9q
  Replies (4) Good night (540) Bad night (1427)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve

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  (330): I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve http://tfl.nu/wq9l
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (436)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.

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  (571): You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow. http://tfl.nu/1kas
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (477)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  Tis the season.

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  (309): I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring. (1-309): Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/pjke
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (432)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.

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  (913): This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for. http://tfl.nu/vkxq
  Replies (4) Good night (806) Bad night (413)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.

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  (416): okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food. (647): Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40. http://tfl.nu/dr99
  Replies (6) Good night (970) Bad night (581)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.

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  (337): I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working. http://tfl.nu/wijm
  Replies (4) Good night (863) Bad night (399)

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