Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?