Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.