Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

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  (207): No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have. http://tfl.nu/1nc6
  Replies (51) Good night (1559) Bad night (3607)
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  (027): View more from

  I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge

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  (027): I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge http://tfl.nu/wz99
  Replies (33) Good night (2165) Bad night (3615)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

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  (402): birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented. http://tfl.nu/mdbr
  Replies (20) Good night (5855) Bad night (731)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

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  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10745) Bad night (2103)
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  (916): View more from California

  No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.

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  (916): No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard. http://tfl.nu/3369
  Replies (12) Good night (3851) Bad night (1221)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I want a grilled cheese and an IV

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  (518): I want a grilled cheese and an IV http://tfl.nu/ksb1
  Replies (5) Good night (2412) Bad night (922)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.

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  (860): Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know. http://tfl.nu/9803
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (1387)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.

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  (276): You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat. http://tfl.nu/s2nm
  Replies (6) Good night (2355) Bad night (809)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life

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  (412): My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life http://tfl.nu/dsvt
  Replies (25) Good night (1820) Bad night (759)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

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  (253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (730)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

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  (970): I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dlw8
  Replies (5) Good night (2454) Bad night (510)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???

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  (708): In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog??? http://tfl.nu/uupj
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I hate that cat.

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  (360): I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg. (360): I hate that cat. http://tfl.nu/6981
  Replies (5) Good night (568) Bad night (364)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.

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  (775): All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch. http://tfl.nu/tcmn
  Replies (5) Good night (980) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.

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  (720): I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud. http://tfl.nu/er8q
  Replies (0) Good night (728) Bad night (290)

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