If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
