What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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