I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize