are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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