We named our party play list daddy issues
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
