I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
