Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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