My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
