walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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