sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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