Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
