Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
