Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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