I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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