WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
