I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
