Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
