Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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