My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
