I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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