i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
