If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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