I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
