my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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