Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
