What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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