No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Your dad touched me again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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