wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
