i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
