the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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