I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
