She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
