It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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