I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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