It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
