Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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