I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
