Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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