I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
