i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
